The growth of offensive behaviour

Don't know about you but the increasing noise from young stars who don't control their squeals on a lob is symbolic of a problem that is not just theirs.
Sharapova says she is surprised to hear that people find her noisy efforts are offensive. Did no one tell her or was she not willing to hear. I feel sure someone has told her they are but like most of us with some of our bad habits ----we don't listen .
It's sad for any of our young people to find in their  prime that they have faults that people find offensive .Harder still  if they only ever find them once married ( always a few things though so u can survive such offences with love )
Better though they hear about them clearly from their parents, their teachers and us who call them friends . True friends would do it - Do these Stars lack true friends ?  
Whatever happened to self control? Sharapova says noone told her her habit was annoying - she knows now, but why didn't she listen earlier and act to change her ways ? ( blame? ,excuses? , louder squeals,? silence ? )
If you are in any doubt , tell children again and again of their bad habits. ( help the parents) After all, you don't want them to display them publicly like these tennis stars do .
Surely this phenomenon shows clearly the cost of shoddy thinking - the heretical view of morality where " tolerance " means putting up with bad behaviour and not saying things ( lest U offend) .
 Sin doesn't condemn the sinner ,but silence can .U heard it first from that book
I just posted a piece on why we love our mums' - they bother to be heard over the loud squeals. http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=319252338119190

Getting AID and SUSTAINABILITY right

Nothing needs more attention by the next generation of ALL  students than the shallow wishy washy politics of aid and support for the rural poor .  Economic development isn't just about prices - its also about the value of things . Some of this misplaced concreteness is just simply ignorance of extremely complex economic and ecological issues and a quick fix attitude to things like war and drug supply.   Sure we've moved on ( hate that phrase really) from the simple days when handouts to disasters was the only form of aid by governments.
Plenty of positives TOO  in complex effective support for sustainability methods too over many generations with the  missions and their multiple focus which helped to educate the young people so they and their parents can physically and mentally help themselves.
But a huge problem is still with us at home - in our attitude to support competent environmental advice .We don't currently support it . It may seem to you that real support is happening but I can tell you key practical  professional resilience work by our oldest conservation agencies has been decimated. Some of this decimation has been in ignorance , but a lot of it is due to ham fisted arrogance and interference in professional matters by politicians .The Fabians and lefties themselves have forgotten their old mentor G B Shaw  who in writing a book on the subject recognised the huge danger from the evil that can origin itself from good intentions only.
Educated agricultural scientists too STILL get dragged in UNsustainable directions.   Our cultures attitude to agriculture as an industry is far too production  orientated  and DPI agencies across the nation are now decades behind in supporting sound sustainability research in many areas. We even export unsustainability because our approach to technology reflects secondary imperatives rather than primary industry ones.     I know this because my profession of applied resilience research has been decimated even in Australia  by patronising and misdirected concerteness in the area of sustainability .Quick fix by the Green parties too has not been  helpful .
Be green , but ONLY LISTEN to professional independents who study before opening their mouths on the subject.  Otherwise ignorance and speculation may be your master.
Unless the 1% of us who work with the 1% (of our countries rural) , 98% of Australians are prone to getting rural support half wrong . The greens movements too will just have a legacy of straw moves unless they support mainstream science and parliament on matters of conservation . ( the job is simply too hard for pollies but they do try  ) If you have any questions please put them here  ( NSW farmers just got their crops downgraded from profitable to broke threatening them in Dec 2011) You can learn more about a resilience career  here .


Footnote AUSTRALIA 2012
Canberra was never fully in touch ( even in 1980) with the professional edge of rural resilience support but ,  in 2011 it is completely lost,  because the profession is lost . No quick fix NOW by the Feds would be welcome as even the regional support mechanisms  for rural areas in our own Country are on the nose around the country ( we have people who run our hospitals and councils and care centres who leave the area at weekends )  Common patraonising responses to disasters also doesn't help us either because we live with drought and floods .
What we can't live with is more quickfix political nonsense to solve OUR problems, more quickfix about free trade and ignorant   directions on ecological imperatives from half educated city ites. Is anyone really listening ? Hope you are-- that would be great . Let us know U are and all the best with your career.

With understanding comes hope

When things go well,  we often get too comfortable with our own rhetoric. That too is" our own personal support for our own rhetoric about how clever we are to be so rich" .  The question of what makes our communities rich is a increasing a question on very few persons lips.

 This reality means our perspective on what makes the economy work is quite suspect .Too comfortable on many fronts
My problem as an advisor to various governments over 30 years is that they are more at sea than ever over just how government's should interfere in matters of a private nature . They even worry too much about words like interfere . Caring leaders interfere carefully - its when they interfere carelessly that the support for public authorities is weakened - a role they will increasingly need to take up as communities suffer the extreme wealth contrasts of post modern economies .
While I have never lost my confidence in prevention science , many advisors have little connection with the paradox that both  of symbiosis and competition must work together to make economies productive . 
In wake of greed protests, I hope some public spirited organisations will more deeply consider research how market worship has many weakened political parties?

We all have a lot to learn - especially about how to live with limits

Patrick Moore has learnt a lot about what really is important by being heavily involved with environmental pressure groups like Greenpeace . What I like about this work is that it is based in experience (and study) and provides a stable hope and opportunity for young people to study and work on ways of improving the earth that actually work .http://www.facebook.com/pages/Dr-Patrick-Moore/191749637503866

Let being the best you can be --be your ambition and your reward

Waiting around for people to encourage you can be real downer -nobody seems to be there when you really need them.  Read this
Worse, it seems  -we all have our weak points and kids at school or people who feel threatened by you , can hang it on you , bringing you down .; often deep cuts are attempted .Parents can seem like that even . (You might have guessed by now that I believe that nothing is "as it seems" on the surface and if you go there get that you''l go places - great.

Worse ,it seems , when you really want some human face to tell you where to go and what to do - what you are likely to get in return is the very  opposite of what you need or is just plain shallow and superficial  .
Being alone with your own problems is a threat --but its also an opportunity .As teenagers its especially hard because you are learning to be yourself - not a clone of your parents - the process of finding out what you really think is a good thing,  but a very lonely thing ; I am thinking of you at this very moment as i write this ( not that it might be all that much help to you)
Worse , it seems, even the advice you get from others may not help . It doesn't matter whether its the Bible , The Quaran of the Shrink , you are not meant to be told - you are created to find out for yourself . Scary isn't it ,

Worse , it seems,  you don't look normal . If its a help, remember that that condition, at least,  is not your problem . But let's be clear here . Everyone else has got the same problem as you,( if its really a problem)  so-- is it a real problem or just one your mind and your friends keep sharing with you? . What we get is what we get but  what we make of whats unique about us  makes us really successful and unique. Glass half full is what we can really enjoy cause its our glass. Glass half empty is only  for the never satisfied .
Some girls have stunning faces but short fat  legs .Blondes may have more fun but some are quiet and make sense not noise when they talk . Some  bullies are strong in body but not strong in mind .  You might have a big nose  but be the funniest and friendliest person on earth( I won't name that famous person ) So forget what others worry about - move on and be yourself and learn to accept who you really are- including your unique gifts ( tick the bold words above)  ---make a list of your very own

Once we accept that we  aren't perfect and we need to be forgiven daily its not so hard to go forward .
The trouble is you don't know just where to go and few they be that can help you ( esp when you are young)  .The point is you don't know what you gonna be and neither frankly does anyone else . The great thing is that great things are YOUR choice - what you are in 30years will be partly who you listen to who you care about, who you admire .The freedom we find when we are teenagers is scary.  
Learning to know what you believe in is helpped by doing stuff - esp for others . The trouble will be nothing happens instantly because soem things the TV says you will get you never do or you get something that makes you look cheap too .
Worse news if trying to do what you think you should do ,others may try to pull you back ( to the pack thats often going nowhere ) --  things often get HARDER not easier . You need impossible help stuff to keep going .
Go find the truth about what really works to the best out of life  ,  I say. Get others to be honest with you and be honest with yourself and with God - that way you can see yourself for who you really are ( the first hurdle many never jump) and those bad impressions people get for what they are ( just impressions ) - For you a failure is learning , just an opportunities  to grow  - be better ( not just a clone of the classroom clown whose dragging the place down )

More  here  
Great book
Don't Peak at High School: From Bullied to A-List, published by Affirm Press, will be released on July 18.

Wendy Harmer, comedian, author and presenter


Born with a severe bilateral palate and lip, teased
at school as "Eagle Beak": "My father never gave
me an inch, never let me feel sorry for myself. It
instilled a level of stoicism that I don't have for
my own children. If I found out my kids were being
called names, I bet I'd be hauling off to the school
and standing at the gate with a baseball bat."

If you are still searching for info about whats best for you - I can't tell you , but I know a way;  a partnership arrangement that works  .
If you think  I haven't helped much . Let me repeat this ; to be the best you can be doesn't require me to tell you,( or any book ) but you to tell you . You were made that way ( Latin truth is Imago Dei) . With all that power to do well and chose well, go well my friend . 

Be the individual unique person God created you to be . Logically it means our individual walks are often lonely and hard. Don't be tied down to some soup of conformity and predjudice that stops you grabbing the hard edge of the mosh pit  -beyond which is your potential unique success from growing and developing in your own way . You have to get away from all the noise to do this and practice getting it right  ; Think of anyone who is successful!  Ask me some questions if you like . 

Read more: http://www.theage.com.au/national/beating-the-bullies-from-butt-of-joke-to-last-laugh-20110618-1g9b9.html#ixzz1Px5y7yr1

Building resilience rather than just reaping resources

People who work with the poor in oil rich countries (that don't know their own poverty often ) need a lot of support
Nothing is more upsetting for someone like myself who is steeped in dealing with the poverty traps in rural cultures ( insisting on resilience approaches) than to see those poor communities  take quick fixes. They risk letting their countries fall victim to WAR .
 Libyans like many in Africa aren't alone in having a challenge to live off the land,  but they are all the poorer for believing the  simplicities of the moment - that removal of strong leadership will solve their problems and that guns rather than grassland policy is the key to a sustainable future. All Africa and Asia need a dose of grassland therapy - what basic things make their culture stable and able to grow.
American and media policy that carelessly names the catharsis answer as" parliament " is the same simple  stupidity . imperial ignorance and mistargeting that prevents America selling its foreign policy in poor countries everywhere ( incl iraq and karsakstan?)  When is Australia going to be a leader of the pack of the poverty breaking advisors 

Read stuff about real people

The new film "The Kings Speech " which is about the kings stutter , will no doubt go into history, like the King himself, and many who led us through WW2, as examples of people who were used in-spite and in great contrast to their limitations. Who would have thought soemone would ever .ever make an inspirational film about BB Bertie !
Get inspired because this man and this women , the Chamberlains and the Churchils were only men and women just like us .
Not perfect but with great possibilities . Prone to think we know when we don't . Prone to not listen but laugh at the dangers of pride and prejudice. Arrogantly self confident or arrogantly down on ourselves.
Take the observers view of your life as your own . Don't be limited by what you or others think you can or can't do. Do right, live right , recognise your own limitations and sins and have faith in He who can make all the mess still work for good. Testimonies and discoverers in this area are everywhere ----look for yourself.

How can I help?

Ever noticed yourself offering advice when.......you really need to listen ? Hard isn't it . Not listening and jumping in with advice about " what to do " is  a shockingly bad habit we all need to really sit on.
 If you meet a person in distress because they are trying to do too much ( typically a mothers lot . You might like to add more to helping mum here),  listen hard,  say " yes mum" (that maybe all you need to say ) and then the clincher--" What can I do to help ?"
 You too ( however small your gift) can be come part of the work of the angel armies of heaven. Bless you for listening. and enjoy your life serving others in a wise way .

Doing what you feel like isn't the best way to live

My mother really scared her daughters- in-law recently by reminding them,  in thinking of some "family sayings",  that she would say " I'll kill you " to us 5 boys . Its hard now,  40 years later , to remember how many times,  but the answer from all of us was,  "many times" . And our family was a wonderful place to grow up in .    Did she mean it ? She certainly felt it and , No,  should would never have done it .
Naturally,  we didn't understand why . We experience adrenalin as kids and think its a natural excuse for bashing our brothers,    .....    unaware than there is also noradrenalin in our veins and a brain with a will ! .
We experience adrenalin ( and a few other hormones) as kids unaware that our parents have exactly the same challenge as us - even when they get as old as That ! . Each day everyone of has the challenge to not use our emotional drivers as an excuse to lack of self control .( paradoxically as drivers though,  all the same !)
Don't be deceived ( media want you to give in all the time): the idea that if you act on your emotions you will be right ( all natural )  is complete rubbish. I mean "do you only have half a brain?"
I suggets you either use you brains or you'll lose your brains. Why do so many opt out for the true no brainer of - "my hormones made me do it" . If you think about it , maybe your brain has a role other than just to agree with your glands . Train the body-- train the brain .

What's natural is that your body and your world is a balance of cooperation and to a lesser extent competition . Not as some would say just one or the other . More importantly you have a brain to make choices when tempted ( as my mother was to pick up something to hit us with )

Much of what our parents do for us is to  force us to deal with those things like aggression  that  drive us - Imperatives . These imperatives are so strong that they create great risks of danger. (Running across the road in a rage when your 2 will kill you ). 2yo temper tantrums are normal for children learning to be self assertive .

What's not normal is when parents and adults don't resist the pressure in productive ways -Its a terrible thing to have to say ( confession is good for the soul) but,  many of my generation( the baby boomers) just didn't talk to their children about these things . There was no" resisting temptation " just " what do you want " and all the  woosyness that goes with that.
We have not taught ( antiwoose class) our children how to deal with aggression. testosterone and all the pressure that suddenly comes upon a  child. We don't even seem  to know the words to use in training them . All of us when we were teenagers had more hormone than experience to help us sort out how to control our emotions.Sure its hard to educate your own children on these matters( they don't listen - what's new?) - no wonder  we expect so much of our educational institutions.
Too many babyboomers like generation X and Y's have fallen for the simple idea that you don't need to use your mind and self control - doing what you hormones tell you to do is to start on a high and move steadily downhill afterwards.  Jesus story of the prodigal son only ever has one ending that's worth looking forward to . The moment when you see things are not working . That you are living a lie.  Facing when we actually tell lies to ourselves or ignore others is critical to being aware of the need to "move on "( cf move back infront of the TV for answers)  - to use your brains .The prodigal son saw and understood that things could be better - It may not seem much but admitting your wrong is a definite and potentially sustainable starting point for any of us. Go for it!
Its a great thing to grow old knowing you have MADE some choices and can use your brain to really enjoy your relationships with others - rather than be a spokesman all your life for that "very little brain "that's  between your legs .
Wish you all the best because
- many on TV TRY to sell you something you don't need . "Are they happy?" or is this just another "short term gain with long term pain" you might well ask----when they advocate you to do what you feel like ?
- many do not seek ,ask and knock to find a better way to walking the streets and getting drunk .....and all the rest you already know about.

You want to do something really worthwhile with your life?

Study the environment properly .Warning - it can take some time and you need to build on what others have a taken a lifetime to learn - otherwise you will be as ignorant and empty as many " greens" are. If you are prepared to be your very best at this work Click here and God bless You in your struggle to be the very best that you can be !

Do what's good for you , not just what you feel like doing

Here's a really positive way at looking at things "ya gotta do". http://embracethis.co.uk/ Have a good day now

Can you be happy though married ?

Yes absolutely.  If anyone can say it, its us old folks . The TV series "As time goes by" says it , Homer and Marg say it and the  couples in the "The Good Life " say it it so well.
They don't say its easy do they . Of Judy dench in as time goes by -  "how could anyone live with that grumpy old buff of a man?" . until perhaps you see yourself in him . " or in his kids --" why are you now hanrahan.blogspot.com such a pessimist"  Judy Dench said when the older couple  first met again. cop it on the chin !
So we are not always smiling for sure, but........ as the way to go - you bet so !

Whats the alternative ?--- to monogamy that is
Offering yourself as an experiment in a science project on the subject of what works in relationships( so many silly shallow shows on TV ) is not sound because life is too short and you will get hurt much,  much more than you need to . You only learn what people have learnt before . Only marriage works well enough to be taken seriously . Don't give yourself way in a moment of weakness - let your father do it . Ask any parent about what they want for their children - if you think you know better , youwill  one day find out ( on this subject at least ) that you don't. Sure people who sleep around sell the idea but what are their lives like? Statistically its the only thing that works ; forget the reactionaries , hype and spin merchants ) see below
What really works for happiness is I think , and have experienced , a bit hidden.- even  a bit boring perhaps  !  You may think you need this and that , but what you really need is..........OFTEN ..something entirely different?
Don't be fooled by the superficial and "the excuses"  that trap people permanently ; where they allow themsleves to get stuck: The good lasting things are worth working hard at and worth working TOWARDS.
Mire is still mire .and a mess is still something we are never happy with long term ; So clean up your thinking  rather than claim you/ they  didn't create a mess in  the first place .

Marriage is good

Philosophers tell us that in our age where morality is widely seen/ believed to be "an imaginary thing we create "( partly true ), "but don't need "( not true) , we STILL END UP BEHAVING like this (if we SAY we don't NEED a guiding philosophy;)
" If it doesn't work we throw it away"-we model ourselves on the technological age .We worship something ; that's  part of our nature
This worship of , not science, but techniques for happiness, means many people are just searching for a new way, tool  or partnership to be happy with . Psychs call this "a technological fix" and like drugs --its an expensive and exhausting way to live )
Marriage on the other hand, is more boring and predictable. (we are watching that great series "As time goes by" again )
But marriage is still good , and the many in media who promote its failure because their own marriages have failed, are not to be believed.

Still not sure ? Look at the creative tensions at the Sydney writers festival this month.Libertines VS reconcilers like E Gilbert .     Don't be a reactionary all your life!
Or Brisbane On Line where Foxy asks the fair question " Is monogamy natural? "
The answer to her question is yes, if you look at the stats with a long term view in mind . The reactionaries ( the ones who keep trying something different) , in historical reality, are always in each generation proved wrong . Read history, not just the ever present reactionary media .

The reasonable thing THEN is not to be a reactionary.( or give up our childish ways cause we all seem to be a bit that way when we were teenagers ) ; find the working models and prove everything in between.

To believe that " what's natural" provides the imperative is to be predictably reactive and worse --stuck with whatever imperative "you think natural tells you to be" - noone should tell you what to be! you are free (eg stuck in a marriage where that marriage is in name only?)More on happiness later?
Far more liberating to see that life calls us to make the choice to pick the idea apart: to be faithful ; to resist temptation ; to deal with my emotions not live off them ( anti natural) and so on .
.http://knowlove.blogspot.com

Don't be a reactionary - get beyond the mechanics and make decisions and choose /rechoose directions that you can be happy with all your life long!

Want to be successful?- Take the tough choices and you'll live life to the full

None of us want to admit when we act like wimps, but just acting tough is no answer to the woosiness all around us.
The toughness that works ( See that great tough man Clint doing the toughest film of his life in GRAN TORINO) ....can often seem weak--- explaining why so many fail to see the GRITTY apparent weakness type as the best choice - the sort of choice that makes you stronger and helps you develop the sort of independant strength that resists the self centeredness and self justification that stifled nearly everyone in Wil and Tow's street .

See the film ; talk about " whose weak and why " among your friends and wonder at just how powerful are the young people in the story when they stand up in their own skins with nothing but a will to do what helps resolve conflict and deal with the damage properly . You can do too it if you think tough and are not just ....... acting tough.

Some really good stories about young people ---4 stars or better

Please add yours to this list : LILIES(ABC mondaynights), JIMMY GRIMBLE (more here)

Heroes-- find some

Don't be put off by the many who are stuck in the safety of the bottom line. Those whose conversations can't rise to anything above the waistline, or whatever.
To be creative you have to be on the edge - not always in the centre.
Nature is not your natural limit ,,,unless you let it be .

Find a hero in your backyard ........and get to know them ; Here's some Warning : they may only be ordinary people ----right now.
If you pretend we need to be anything else, you may miss seeing a real hero and maybe never find what you are looking for for yourself! Modelling - a good start as long as you remember nobody's perfect .
Good things are hard to find . Once you have struggled to find a few heroes , you won't be as easily distracted by the quick fiz or the colour and movement that distracts so many .

Do the impossible!

Remedies for distraught parents with bullied children, according to even our best psychologists last week, were given the name "impossible". The only answer which actually works is, I think ,the impossible one ; The one about "loving your enemies" . Jesus's words .
You don’t believe me? Remember Martin Luther King? It was he who reminded a whole generation of angry Americans, who were provoked to anger on a daily basis, that impossible love actually works. But to actually make it happen, most of us need something a lot stronger than our own best intellectual and wilful efforts ; especially the bit about selling those amazingly impossible options to our children.
Have you tried it?

Pick up some good vibrations

Brian Wilson : I wasn't meant for these times
Watch this incredible video and story of a great rock music legend BRIAN WILSON( author of Good Vibrations by the Beach Boys) More here "BW I just wasn't..."
The music and story is inspirational, dealing in a very honest and helpful way with that dangerous obstinacy that we all share in some way with him. A wonderful piece of work. No wonder The good guys are still doing back flips with his work. The title came from reflecting on an dog barking at his mum ,( "bad vibrations" ,he thought, and in his typical way, he turned it around!) A must see.
Google a link to one of his other great songs "Love and Mercy"

Dealing with human nastiness

Sometimes it seems that nastiness is everywhere --the thing that everyone is feeding on . It may fill the air at your school, but don't let it get to you. Resist it . It's baby food and baby stuff!
Shakespeare's point in Macbeth ( that great play about all things nasty ) is that the common reaction ie "being nice " is no answer either - infact such comfort food often fuels the risk of more provokation. ( its a Big story too big to deal with here) .
The best way to see Nice VS Nasty in that story is to study the 2 lead characters; the mum and dad elements . Mum is strong, Dad is weak .
She's ( strong) nasty. He's weak (a woose) . And she rightly says about Him that he's filled with the milk of human kindness.(TMOHK)
Sounds cruel, but its true. He's hiding from grown up stuff, and he's weak .Not all "kindness" works for good .Google "the best intentions" for eg . The best way to deal with those who act tough is to be tough yourself ; not in the same way, but tough none the less . Weak reactions are for those who don't want to grow up .
Shakespeare's point about THE OTHER milk - the one that seems so WEAK .( in Macbeth) is that TMOHK "it's not enough" either. Neither is "mettle" A sort of toughness . Mere "toughness"is not enough. Like your DNA the sequences have no final merit one way or other. Enjoy the play by clicking on the above link .
Lady Macbeth is the symbol of toughness. Toughness can be a good thing-- after all... hubby is weak !We need to be smart; If you are provoked and you respond naturally things will escalate ; Mere revenge is meagre , ineffective, inflammmatory and unending .
No, if you want to keep your family and your friendships going, you need to go past the milk of human kindness to kindness itself . Lady Macbeth described a kind of "kindness" thats just not tough enough. She spoke of "kindness" in that play in a way which spoke to her husbands real and woosy weakness (The milky natural kind) . Kindness can be weakness. There is a kind of kindness that needs an "illness" to " fix it". A kindness that kills
Try the kindness that's truly tough - the hard kind. The love genuine kind . Speak the truth in love and take the scouling air and sarcasm and bury it-otherwise you will run the risk of just passing the problem on. The most amazing thing is that by NOT doing what comes naturally , the most impossible things can happen (Impossible Love)
Enjoy this real life , rough and tough play in the same way as they did in the 17century - as ane example of ourselves at our worst!!!! -Behaving like little children Copyright EA

Passion, compassion and dispassion

All wonderful ways in which we can think powerfully for good.
But we seem to need experience of pain sometimes in order to really gain them. No pain no gain !.
The reality is that really dealing effectively with our emotions is the key to really enjoying living with each other: If we do not face pain and the fear there is no gain; only fear only pain
The gain comes from facing and overcoming those things that grate and things we hate.
Be persuaded by facing your fears and getting help to face even the biggest obstacles.