Friday, June 25, 2010

Doing what you feel like isn't the best way to live

My mother really scared her daughters- in-law recently by reminding them,  in thinking of some "family sayings",  that she would say " I'll kill you " to us 5 boys . Its hard now,  40 years later , to remember how many times,  but the answer from all of us was,  "many times" . And our family was a wonderful place to grow up in .    Did she mean it ? She certainly felt it and , No,  should would never have done it .
Naturally,  we didn't understand why . We experience adrenalin as kids and think its a natural excuse for bashing our brothers,    .....    unaware than there is also noradrenalin in our veins and a brain with a will ! .
We experience adrenalin ( and a few other hormones) as kids unaware that our parents have exactly the same challenge as us - even when they get as old as That ! . Each day everyone of has the challenge to not use our emotional drivers as an excuse to lack of self control .( paradoxically as drivers though,  all the same !)
Don't be deceived ( media want you to give in all the time): the idea that if you act on your emotions you will be right ( all natural )  is complete rubbish. I mean "do you only have half a brain?"
I suggets you either use you brains or you'll lose your brains. Why do so many opt out for the true no brainer of - "my hormones made me do it" . If you think about it , maybe your brain has a role other than just to agree with your glands . Train the body-- train the brain .

What's natural is that your body and your world is a balance of cooperation and to a lesser extent competition . Not as some would say just one or the other . More importantly you have a brain to make choices when tempted ( as my mother was to pick up something to hit us with )

Much of what our parents do for us is to  force us to deal with those things like aggression  that  drive us - Imperatives . These imperatives are so strong that they create great risks of danger. (Running across the road in a rage when your 2 will kill you ). 2yo temper tantrums are normal for children learning to be self assertive .

What's not normal is when parents and adults don't resist the pressure in productive ways -Its a terrible thing to have to say ( confession is good for the soul) but,  many of my generation( the baby boomers) just didn't talk to their children about these things . There was no" resisting temptation " just " what do you want " and all the  woosyness that goes with that.
We have not taught ( antiwoose class) our children how to deal with aggression. testosterone and all the pressure that suddenly comes upon a  child. We don't even seem  to know the words to use in training them . All of us when we were teenagers had more hormone than experience to help us sort out how to control our emotions.Sure its hard to educate your own children on these matters( they don't listen - what's new?) - no wonder  we expect so much of our educational institutions.
Too many babyboomers like generation X and Y's have fallen for the simple idea that you don't need to use your mind and self control - doing what you hormones tell you to do is to start on a high and move steadily downhill afterwards.  Jesus story of the prodigal son only ever has one ending that's worth looking forward to . The moment when you see things are not working . That you are living a lie.  Facing when we actually tell lies to ourselves or ignore others is critical to being aware of the need to "move on "( cf move back infront of the TV for answers)  - to use your brains .The prodigal son saw and understood that things could be better - It may not seem much but admitting your wrong is a definite and potentially sustainable starting point for any of us. Go for it!
Its a great thing to grow old knowing you have MADE some choices and can use your brain to really enjoy your relationships with others - rather than be a spokesman all your life for that "very little brain "that's  between your legs .
Wish you all the best because
- many on TV TRY to sell you something you don't need . "Are they happy?" or is this just another "short term gain with long term pain" you might well ask----when they advocate you to do what you feel like ?
- many do not seek ,ask and knock to find a better way to walking the streets and getting drunk .....and all the rest you already know about.

1 comment:

Little John said...

Heard one of my favourite show co authors today on ABC774 With Antony Jay's critical help Jonathon wrote YES MINISTER . In a rules of comedy comment he stated that "to be funny you have to be full of anger" . We've been exploring this on FB funny serious and I posted a little note on to also remind us that to use comedy well ( because its potentially revealing the dark side ) : he said "its all in bad taste" we need to value someone like Anthony jay, who reports well and makes sure the full picture is presented.