Tuesday, November 09, 2010

How can I help?

Ever noticed yourself offering advice when.......you really need to listen ? Hard isn't it . Not listening and jumping in with advice about " what to do " is  a shockingly bad habit we all need to really sit on.
 If you meet a person in distress because they are trying to do too much ( typically a mothers lot . You might like to add more to helping mum here),  listen hard,  say " yes mum" (that maybe all you need to say ) and then the clincher--" What can I do to help ?"
 You too ( however small your gift) can be come part of the work of the angel armies of heaven. Bless you for listening. and enjoy your life serving others in a wise way .

Friday, June 25, 2010

Doing what you feel like isn't the best way to live

My mother really scared her daughters- in-law recently by reminding them,  in thinking of some "family sayings",  that she would say " I'll kill you " to us 5 boys . Its hard now,  40 years later , to remember how many times,  but the answer from all of us was,  "many times" . And our family was a wonderful place to grow up in .    Did she mean it ? She certainly felt it and , No,  should would never have done it .
Naturally,  we didn't understand why . We experience adrenalin as kids and think its a natural excuse for bashing our brothers,    .....    unaware than there is also noradrenalin in our veins and a brain with a will ! .
We experience adrenalin ( and a few other hormones) as kids unaware that our parents have exactly the same challenge as us - even when they get as old as That ! . Each day everyone of has the challenge to not use our emotional drivers as an excuse to lack of self control .( paradoxically as drivers though,  all the same !)
Don't be deceived ( media want you to give in all the time): the idea that if you act on your emotions you will be right ( all natural )  is complete rubbish. I mean "do you only have half a brain?"
I suggets you either use you brains or you'll lose your brains. Why do so many opt out for the true no brainer of - "my hormones made me do it" . If you think about it , maybe your brain has a role other than just to agree with your glands . Train the body-- train the brain .

What's natural is that your body and your world is a balance of cooperation and to a lesser extent competition . Not as some would say just one or the other . More importantly you have a brain to make choices when tempted ( as my mother was to pick up something to hit us with )

Much of what our parents do for us is to  force us to deal with those things like aggression  that  drive us - Imperatives . These imperatives are so strong that they create great risks of danger. (Running across the road in a rage when your 2 will kill you ). 2yo temper tantrums are normal for children learning to be self assertive .

What's not normal is when parents and adults don't resist the pressure in productive ways -Its a terrible thing to have to say ( confession is good for the soul) but,  many of my generation( the baby boomers) just didn't talk to their children about these things . There was no" resisting temptation " just " what do you want " and all the  woosyness that goes with that.
We have not taught ( antiwoose class) our children how to deal with aggression. testosterone and all the pressure that suddenly comes upon a  child. We don't even seem  to know the words to use in training them . All of us when we were teenagers had more hormone than experience to help us sort out how to control our emotions.Sure its hard to educate your own children on these matters( they don't listen - what's new?) - no wonder  we expect so much of our educational institutions.
Too many babyboomers like generation X and Y's have fallen for the simple idea that you don't need to use your mind and self control - doing what you hormones tell you to do is to start on a high and move steadily downhill afterwards.  Jesus story of the prodigal son only ever has one ending that's worth looking forward to . The moment when you see things are not working . That you are living a lie.  Facing when we actually tell lies to ourselves or ignore others is critical to being aware of the need to "move on "( cf move back infront of the TV for answers)  - to use your brains .The prodigal son saw and understood that things could be better - It may not seem much but admitting your wrong is a definite and potentially sustainable starting point for any of us. Go for it!
Its a great thing to grow old knowing you have MADE some choices and can use your brain to really enjoy your relationships with others - rather than be a spokesman all your life for that "very little brain "that's  between your legs .
Wish you all the best because
- many on TV TRY to sell you something you don't need . "Are they happy?" or is this just another "short term gain with long term pain" you might well ask----when they advocate you to do what you feel like ?
- many do not seek ,ask and knock to find a better way to walking the streets and getting drunk .....and all the rest you already know about.

Monday, June 21, 2010

You want to do something really worthwhile with your life?

Study the environment properly .Warning - it can take some time and you need to build on what others have a taken a lifetime to learn - otherwise you will be as ignorant and empty as many " greens" are. If you are prepared to be your very best at this work Click here and God bless You in your struggle to be the very best that you can be !

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Do what's good for you , not just what you feel like doing

Here's a really positive way at looking at things "ya gotta do". http://embracethis.co.uk/ Have a good day now

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Can you be happy though married ?

Yes absolutely.  If anyone can say it, its us old folks . The TV series "As time goes by" says it , Homer and Marg say it and the  couples in the "The Good Life " say it it so well.
They don't say its easy do they . Of Judy dench in as time goes by -  "how could anyone live with that grumpy old buff of a man?" . until perhaps you see yourself in him . " or in his kids --" why are you now hanrahan.blogspot.com such a pessimist"  Judy Dench said when the older couple  first met again. cop it on the chin !
So we are not always smiling for sure, but........ as the way to go - you bet so !

Whats the alternative ?--- to monogamy that is
Offering yourself as an experiment in a science project on the subject of what works in relationships( so many silly shallow shows on TV ) is not sound because life is too short and you will get hurt much,  much more than you need to . You only learn what people have learnt before . Only marriage works well enough to be taken seriously . Don't give yourself way in a moment of weakness - let your father do it . Ask any parent about what they want for their children - if you think you know better , youwill  one day find out ( on this subject at least ) that you don't. Sure people who sleep around sell the idea but what are their lives like? Statistically its the only thing that works ; forget the reactionaries , hype and spin merchants ) see below
What really works for happiness is I think , and have experienced , a bit hidden.- even  a bit boring perhaps  !  You may think you need this and that , but what you really need is..........OFTEN ..something entirely different?
Don't be fooled by the superficial and "the excuses"  that trap people permanently ; where they allow themsleves to get stuck: The good lasting things are worth working hard at and worth working TOWARDS.
Mire is still mire .and a mess is still something we are never happy with long term ; So clean up your thinking  rather than claim you/ they  didn't create a mess in  the first place .

Marriage is good

Philosophers tell us that in our age where morality is widely seen/ believed to be "an imaginary thing we create "( partly true ), "but don't need "( not true) , we STILL END UP BEHAVING like this (if we SAY we don't NEED a guiding philosophy;)
" If it doesn't work we throw it away"-we model ourselves on the technological age .We worship something ; that's  part of our nature
This worship of , not science, but techniques for happiness, means many people are just searching for a new way, tool  or partnership to be happy with . Psychs call this "a technological fix" and like drugs --its an expensive and exhausting way to live )
Marriage on the other hand, is more boring and predictable. (we are watching that great series "As time goes by" again )
But marriage is still good , and the many in media who promote its failure because their own marriages have failed, are not to be believed.

Still not sure ? Look at the creative tensions at the Sydney writers festival this month.Libertines VS reconcilers like E Gilbert .     Don't be a reactionary all your life!
Or Brisbane On Line where Foxy asks the fair question " Is monogamy natural? "
The answer to her question is yes, if you look at the stats with a long term view in mind . The reactionaries ( the ones who keep trying something different) , in historical reality, are always in each generation proved wrong . Read history, not just the ever present reactionary media .

The reasonable thing THEN is not to be a reactionary.( or give up our childish ways cause we all seem to be a bit that way when we were teenagers ) ; find the working models and prove everything in between.

To believe that " what's natural" provides the imperative is to be predictably reactive and worse --stuck with whatever imperative "you think natural tells you to be" - noone should tell you what to be! you are free (eg stuck in a marriage where that marriage is in name only?)More on happiness later?
Far more liberating to see that life calls us to make the choice to pick the idea apart: to be faithful ; to resist temptation ; to deal with my emotions not live off them ( anti natural) and so on .

Don't be a reactionary - get beyond the mechanics and make decisions and choose /rechoose directions that you can be happy with all your life long!

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Want to be successful?- Take the tough choices and you'll live life to the full

None of us want to admit when we act like wimps, but just acting tough is no answer to the woosiness all around us.
The toughness that works ( See that great tough man Clint doing the toughest film of his life in GRAN TORINO) ....can often seem weak--- explaining why so many fail to see the GRITTY apparent weakness type as the best choice - the sort of choice that makes you stronger and helps you develop the sort of independant strength that resists the self centeredness and self justification that stifled nearly everyone in Wil and Tow's street .

See the film ; talk about " whose weak and why " among your friends and wonder at just how powerful are the young people in the story when they stand up in their own skins with nothing but a will to do what helps resolve conflict and deal with the damage properly . You can do too it if you think tough and are not just ....... acting tough.