Can you be happy though married ?

Yes absolutely.  If anyone can say it, its us old folks . The TV series "As time goes by" says it , Homer and Marg say it and the  couples in the "The Good Life " say it it so well.
They don't say its easy do they . Of Judy dench in as time goes by -  "how could anyone live with that grumpy old buff of a man?" . until perhaps you see yourself in him . " or in his kids --" why are you now hanrahan.blogspot.com such a pessimist"  Judy Dench said when the older couple  first met again. cop it on the chin !
So we are not always smiling for sure, but........ as the way to go - you bet so !

Whats the alternative ?--- to monogamy that is
Offering yourself as an experiment in a science project on the subject of what works in relationships( so many silly shallow shows on TV ) is not sound because life is too short and you will get hurt much,  much more than you need to . You only learn what people have learnt before . Only marriage works well enough to be taken seriously . Don't give yourself way in a moment of weakness - let your father do it . Ask any parent about what they want for their children - if you think you know better , youwill  one day find out ( on this subject at least ) that you don't. Sure people who sleep around sell the idea but what are their lives like? Statistically its the only thing that works ; forget the reactionaries , hype and spin merchants ) see below
What really works for happiness is I think , and have experienced , a bit hidden.- even  a bit boring perhaps  !  You may think you need this and that , but what you really need is..........OFTEN ..something entirely different?
Don't be fooled by the superficial and "the excuses"  that trap people permanently ; where they allow themsleves to get stuck: The good lasting things are worth working hard at and worth working TOWARDS.
Mire is still mire .and a mess is still something we are never happy with long term ; So clean up your thinking  rather than claim you/ they  didn't create a mess in  the first place .

Marriage is good

Philosophers tell us that in our age where morality is widely seen/ believed to be "an imaginary thing we create "( partly true ), "but don't need "( not true) , we STILL END UP BEHAVING like this (if we SAY we don't NEED a guiding philosophy;)
" If it doesn't work we throw it away"-we model ourselves on the technological age .We worship something ; that's  part of our nature
This worship of , not science, but techniques for happiness, means many people are just searching for a new way, tool  or partnership to be happy with . Psychs call this "a technological fix" and like drugs --its an expensive and exhausting way to live )
Marriage on the other hand, is more boring and predictable. (we are watching that great series "As time goes by" again )
But marriage is still good , and the many in media who promote its failure because their own marriages have failed, are not to be believed.

Still not sure ? Look at the creative tensions at the Sydney writers festival this month.Libertines VS reconcilers like E Gilbert .     Don't be a reactionary all your life!
Or Brisbane On Line where Foxy asks the fair question " Is monogamy natural? "
The answer to her question is yes, if you look at the stats with a long term view in mind . The reactionaries ( the ones who keep trying something different) , in historical reality, are always in each generation proved wrong . Read history, not just the ever present reactionary media .

The reasonable thing THEN is not to be a reactionary.( or give up our childish ways cause we all seem to be a bit that way when we were teenagers ) ; find the working models and prove everything in between.

To believe that " what's natural" provides the imperative is to be predictably reactive and worse --stuck with whatever imperative "you think natural tells you to be" - noone should tell you what to be! you are free (eg stuck in a marriage where that marriage is in name only?)More on happiness later?
Far more liberating to see that life calls us to make the choice to pick the idea apart: to be faithful ; to resist temptation ; to deal with my emotions not live off them ( anti natural) and so on .
.http://knowlove.blogspot.com

Don't be a reactionary - get beyond the mechanics and make decisions and choose /rechoose directions that you can be happy with all your life long!

Want to be successful?- Take the tough choices and you'll live life to the full

None of us want to admit when we act like wimps, but just acting tough is no answer to the woosiness all around us.
The toughness that works ( See that great tough man Clint doing the toughest film of his life in GRAN TORINO) ....can often seem weak--- explaining why so many fail to see the GRITTY apparent weakness type as the best choice - the sort of choice that makes you stronger and helps you develop the sort of independant strength that resists the self centeredness and self justification that stifled nearly everyone in Wil and Tow's street .

See the film ; talk about " whose weak and why " among your friends and wonder at just how powerful are the young people in the story when they stand up in their own skins with nothing but a will to do what helps resolve conflict and deal with the damage properly . You can do too it if you think tough and are not just ....... acting tough.

Some really good stories about young people ---4 stars or better

Please add yours to this list : LILIES(ABC mondaynights), JIMMY GRIMBLE (more here)

Heroes-- find some

Don't be put off by the many who are stuck in the safety of the bottom line. Those whose conversations can't rise to anything above the waistline, or whatever.
To be creative you have to be on the edge - not always in the centre.
Nature is not your natural limit ,,,unless you let it be .

Find a hero in your backyard ........and get to know them ; Here's some Warning : they may only be ordinary people ----right now.
If you pretend we need to be anything else, you may miss seeing a real hero and maybe never find what you are looking for for yourself! Modelling - a good start as long as you remember nobody's perfect .
Good things are hard to find . Once you have struggled to find a few heroes , you won't be as easily distracted by the quick fiz or the colour and movement that distracts so many .

Do the impossible!

Remedies for distraught parents with bullied children, according to even our best psychologists last week, were given the name "impossible". The only answer which actually works is, I think ,the impossible one ; The one about "loving your enemies" . Jesus's words .
You don’t believe me? Remember Martin Luther King? It was he who reminded a whole generation of angry Americans, who were provoked to anger on a daily basis, that impossible love actually works. But to actually make it happen, most of us need something a lot stronger than our own best intellectual and wilful efforts ; especially the bit about selling those amazingly impossible options to our children.
Have you tried it?

Pick up some good vibrations

Brian Wilson : I wasn't meant for these times
Watch this incredible video and story of a great rock music legend BRIAN WILSON( author of Good Vibrations by the Beach Boys) More here "BW I just wasn't..."
The music and story is inspirational, dealing in a very honest and helpful way with that dangerous obstinacy that we all share in some way with him. A wonderful piece of work. No wonder The good guys are still doing back flips with his work. The title came from reflecting on an dog barking at his mum ,( "bad vibrations" ,he thought, and in his typical way, he turned it around!) A must see.
Google a link to one of his other great songs "Love and Mercy"

Dealing with human nastiness

Sometimes it seems that nastiness is everywhere --the thing that everyone is feeding on . It may fill the air at your school, but don't let it get to you. Resist it . It's baby food and baby stuff!
Shakespeare's point in Macbeth ( that great play about all things nasty ) is that the common reaction ie "being nice " is no answer either - infact such comfort food often fuels the risk of more provokation. ( its a Big story too big to deal with here) .
The best way to see Nice VS Nasty in that story is to study the 2 lead characters; the mum and dad elements . Mum is strong, Dad is weak .
She's ( strong) nasty. He's weak (a woose) . And she rightly says about Him that he's filled with the milk of human kindness.(TMOHK)
Sounds cruel, but its true. He's hiding from grown up stuff, and he's weak .Not all "kindness" works for good .Google "the best intentions" for eg . The best way to deal with those who act tough is to be tough yourself ; not in the same way, but tough none the less . Weak reactions are for those who don't want to grow up .
Shakespeare's point about THE OTHER milk - the one that seems so WEAK .( in Macbeth) is that TMOHK "it's not enough" either. Neither is "mettle" A sort of toughness . Mere "toughness"is not enough. Like your DNA the sequences have no final merit one way or other. Enjoy the play by clicking on the above link .
Lady Macbeth is the symbol of toughness. Toughness can be a good thing-- after all... hubby is weak !We need to be smart; If you are provoked and you respond naturally things will escalate ; Mere revenge is meagre , ineffective, inflammmatory and unending .
No, if you want to keep your family and your friendships going, you need to go past the milk of human kindness to kindness itself . Lady Macbeth described a kind of "kindness" thats just not tough enough. She spoke of "kindness" in that play in a way which spoke to her husbands real and woosy weakness (The milky natural kind) . Kindness can be weakness. There is a kind of kindness that needs an "illness" to " fix it". A kindness that kills
Try the kindness that's truly tough - the hard kind. The love genuine kind . Speak the truth in love and take the scouling air and sarcasm and bury it-otherwise you will run the risk of just passing the problem on. The most amazing thing is that by NOT doing what comes naturally , the most impossible things can happen (Impossible Love)
Enjoy this real life , rough and tough play in the same way as they did in the 17century - as ane example of ourselves at our worst!!!! -Behaving like little children Copyright EA

Passion, compassion and dispassion

All wonderful ways in which we can think powerfully for good.
But we seem to need experience of pain sometimes in order to really gain them. No pain no gain !.
The reality is that really dealing effectively with our emotions is the key to really enjoying living with each other: If we do not face pain and the fear there is no gain; only fear only pain
The gain comes from facing and overcoming those things that grate and things we hate.
Be persuaded by facing your fears and getting help to face even the biggest obstacles.

Dealing with Anger

Its very scary sure ......so should we face it
Are we too afraid of anger? The western secularist world we live in is often afraid of anger and raw emotion and therefore ----does not allow young westerners to deal with it effectively ( in the way our forefathers did) - this self imposed post modern doctrine is a root cause of depression .( see Wikipedia on Depression and its causes )

Thankfully this fear of anger itself need not be. Fear yes because there are cliffs and their is danger OUT there - but deal with it !!! For a more wholistic view of the danger here - see Jesus statements on murder, hate and anger . ( Watch " Fiddler on the Roof" sometime and see where to direct your anger and questions about life!!!)

From a scientists and medical point of view . Adrenalin should be telling the half baked science worshipers( they talk about " whats scientistssay" but they don't always listen to " what scientists say " --)

Adrenalin and other fight or flight hormones tell us that emotion is Ok - part of the system that helps us keep the balance . But no, the paradigm of monism ( we are only as good as how we behave) controls their view of science and stimulating life facts ( as most faith systems do) .

Most importantly, if you like evidence based answers, our civilization has got over this overtly pedantic political correctness talk before and moved on . Take Jesus and his challenging of the law makers and politically correct of his day. Fighting words that set the scene for freedom from the past . We celebrate today with Obama and America .

SO, next time your wife or your mother yells at you --------don't walk out the door!!! - take it like a man!
For a great CD on the subject by a former Australain SAS troop trainer contact me !
Joy and peace to you !

Live life to the max

Live life to the max With your mind heart and soul wide open .( In honor of Hannah)

"There are only 2 ways to live " so said Albert Einstein .One is though nothing is a miracle. The other is though everything is a miracle"

This weeks panic over the LHC reminds me of the way so many get confused between what we know and what we don't . What we should fear and what we shouldn't .
Physicists aren't worried. They know that they are building on the relativity work of Einstein and while they don't know very much, they know enough to think - what an amazing , predictable ( in parts) and mysteriuos creation we live in .

Where does the fear come from? Jung said it well The evil is in man himself .
Don't be confused - find out what the fear is and face it . .
Think about how England survived WW2 . Watch
CHURCHILLS WAR or THE BATTLE OF BRITIAN available on PAYLESS and reflect on what was said and what miracles happened and could have happened - you may need to read some of what was written by people such as Bonhoeffer and Chesterton as well ?

Need a job?

Tell the truth. as John Hartigan ( Head of News Limited ) said on ABCTV sunday night - it is one of the best jobs "being a journo".
You can practice now, wherever you are and whatever your circumstances. Get good at it and you will be surprised at what doors it can open for you ( Job 38:10)
Did you see Tom Browns school days( also on ABCTV)- another great example where Hughes tells the truth about what really can go on in the hearts and minds of men - and it changes the world bring out the phycologists? (the old wise guard of fearfilled fools "in charge" of the school? --------or just act alone and with conviction !

Explore- stand back and learn

One of the best ways to get some perpective on your life is to watch others . While he's by no means a role model, Mr Bean's behavior in his latest movie is outstanding and therefore . may i suggest, highly educational and really funny .
MR BEAN ON HOLIDAYS says soemthing profound about our shared temptations and trials . Go see it !

Find something good in whats OLD

All of us , when we were teenagers, questioned the wisdom of our parents .Just as well we test them , because its not helpful to assume they are always right .However teenagers, for all their confidence do not know very much - they just think they do . None of never get everything right, so should dad be allowed to decide ?
As you get older, find some older people whom you respect and can get to know, so you can avoid the PITS- or get out of em .
EG One is the temptation to go for NEW quick fix fads rather than building on OLD science .The short way vs the long way. Many of us KNOW , if we are to be effective in our lifetime, we have to build on the old . While it may not make sense for a start , when you are offered work becuase you do it well the first time you'll better understand the way to prosper. see http://slowfix.blogspot.com

Meet someone NEW

Are YOU battling to live with OTHERS unfair or imposed expectations? Battling family expectations—Beatrix's parents haven't the slightest idea why the shy girl keeps frittering about with her drawings and won't just settle into a proper marriage, but ... you should meet her

The good that I would

I don't do .It's true ! Its not so bad to admit this because its true for each and every one of us - most days .But don't be surprised if you don't hear much talk about it publicly ( tis not something one does, especially because we keep doing it ) We are incomplete and broken persons needing help and asking for help is never easy for any of us ) .Sorry is not a bad word but a very necessary word .
Why worry then?
To not admit to this reality means you can say one thing and yet do another without realising it.You can project your guilt onto others, bringing us all down instead of resolving together to face reality and "get over it" . The truth can set you free from the blame game .

G20 If small is beautiful, what ever happened to G7

Some questions for those meeting in Melbourne at the G20 this week ? Where do the small and powerful fit in when the big players seek to become even more influential with each other.
Perhaps , in getting together as big players they should'nt pretend they can easily deal with the problems of the small players ? The externalities of poverty and patronige driving people to war?
What for example, is the real focus of the keynote issue, aid or poverty alleviation; patronige or political power: aid or trade . The need for unity of purpose must not cloud out need for accepting the diversity of economic assemblages .

Will this G20 be the first to suggest that economic stability should be seen as more like symbiosis amongst ecosystems rather than a facilitation factory with finely tuned settings ?
Economic prosperity and profit gives power , yet the rural poor around the world are , on the criteria of profit and prosperity, powerless.( they get taxation concessions, even in Australia)
That sort of puts them in a industrial economic band all their own = a sort of G777
.Lets hope the discussion around the edges is robust and far reaching on the subject of eco diversity because , for far too often the industry of agriculture is subject to lumping in with all other industries--- when it is clearly a special case requiring ecological as well as economic considerations .

Bono

Wasn't he "oh so good" on Denton's Enough Rope. How do we translate all that ambition for sound change in Africa and the Middle East to action ? One way I think is is to study the environment For those whom science is too much , how about you encourage governments ( by voting for someone who says so ) to ensure
--"the Right" don't keep turning agriculture into a clone of all industry ( where concrete and steel demolition don't matter)

Watch a good movie and learn how important your character( not your money , or your looks or your talents) is in the ever present tough situations of everyones' life . , see My Girl Friday

Another inspiring suggestion for people of all ages from barbara

...Help other people. Stop thinking about your problems and look outside yourself. If you can get past the "It's all about me" stage, then you'll really understand the power of networks. I've discovered that helping others connect has been remarkably beneficial for me.